Assume the position
Saturday March 20, 2010
After love comes the need to sleep. Authors Evany Thomas and Amelia Bauer argue there are 39 distinct somnolent positions that couples arrange themselves in. And yes, they are a barometer of the state of desires and emotions in the relationship. With the Comedy Festival almost upon us, A2 discovers that there are many things those that make us laugh are happy to take lying down. CATHERINE DEVENYWHEN I sleep I look like a jellybean. Curled up on my left side like a ball. OK, all right, I sleep in the foetal position. And will probably continue to until I complete my therapy. But at least I'm on the left, even when I sleep. I used to sleep in the missionary position until I became an atheist. I now sleep with a pillow between my knees, which started when I was pregnant with my first child. The pillow is (seriously) my nana's old pillow. It's stuffed with the feathers of a chicken her father (my great grandfather) ate. I often wonder about the dreams, nightmares, prayers, moments of ecstasy and moments of lying back and thinking of England that happened on that pillow. I usually wake surrounded by my three little boys and our little dog.God is Bullshit. That's the Good News is at Trades Hall March 25 to April 18.Ticketmaster 1300 660 013 and at the door.ALI McGREGORAH, SLEEP . . . I am eight months pregnant so sleep is a precious and wonderful gift that will soon be a thing of the past. I currently sleep with a full body pillow that I spoon throughout the night in flagrant disregard for my husband's jealousy. I am not sure if I can ever give it up and have come close to naming it and taking it to the movies. I think it is the grown-up's version of a teddy bear and I will be hard pushed to go back to traditional spooning and what I like to call the "one-sided bull-clip" (where one leg, arm and head is draped on one's partner until the other side just gets numb).Ali McGregor's Late-Nite Variety-Nite Night is at the Supper Room, the Town Hall, March 26 and 27, April 2, 3, 9, 10, 16 and 17.Ticketmaster 1300 660 013 or at the door.TINA DEL TWISTWE TEND to sleep much like a starfish. That is, I am the star and he ends up writhing about on the floor like a fish. Often I will wake up in the afternoon and find he is gasping, so I throw a bucket of water on him and he mutes almost immediately. Most of the time we sleep fully clothed without coverage. This keeps me from strangling him to death with a sheet mid-snore. Without a doubt, sleeping habits make or break a relationship. If you can actually put up with a tractor snore for six hours straight, you know you're in it for the full V/Line to Wodonga.I do believe how two people share a bed can affect the fervour of one's je ne parle pas francais. So we have a little thing we like to call Titillating Tuesday, where we throw caution to the wind and sleep nude. It's a lot like Take Away Thursday but without the fish and chips, and we don't do it on a Thursday. So, actually, it's not like that at all. But I do love Tuesdays, because we sleep nude . . . and it's titillating.Wes Snelling as Tina Del Twist will be appearing at Victoria Hotel (Vics Bar) 215 Little Collins Street, Melbourne, March 26 to April 11.Ticketmaster.com.au or 1300 660 013.FIONA O'LOUGHLINI LOVE sleep as much as I love life. My eldest daughter says I have a superpower in that I can render myself asleep at the drop of a hat. It's my immediate reaction to stress or worry. I'm pretty sure I favour the foetal position, but after having mothered five infants I could manage a few winks standing on my head if I had to.On a wing and a prayer is at The Playhouse, March 24 - 28 www.theartscentre.com.au or 1300 182 183www.ticketmaster.com.au or 1300 136 166In Geelong, Blakiston Drama Theatre, April 10.www.gpac.org.au or 5225 1200DANIEL BURTI WAKE up confused and panicked about car bombings in Afghanistan's Helmand province. Then I take out my earphones and vow to stop falling asleep to the BBC World Service.My chiropractor tells me to lie on my back, which lasts for a few nights until my girlfriend accuses me of having intimacy issues. Mum worked in a manchester store for 20 years, so I know all about Egyptian thread counts and memory foam. I would stay at rich friends' houses and be appalled at their guest bedding.Yes Man Syndrome is at The Annexe, Trades Hall March 25 to April 4.Ticketmaster 1300 660 013 and at the door.NEIL SINCLAIRBEING the international superstar, photographer, DJ, comedian, spy that I am, I honestly sleep on silk sheets, with my head slightly tilted to my right, a beautiful woman by my side and a glass of champagne on the credenza. I don't lie in my single mattress grinding my teeth to a nub, with my spine twisting out of shape, the cat sleeping on my leg making it numb and a mouldy cup of tea on the floor next to me. It's definitely the first one.Four Minute Warning with Neil Sinclair and Doug Pickering is at The Evatt Room, Trades Hall 25 March - 18 April.Ticketmaster 1300 660 013 and at the door.XAVIER MICHELIDESI SLEEP with one hand on my crotch and one hand on my heart. I think subconsciously it's to protect the two most important parts of my body; if someone shot me in my sleep, sadly I don't think too highly of my brain. And my hands have the ability to stop bullets.Xavier Michelides is Happy by Request! is at the Forum Theatre, March 25 to April 18.Ticketmaster 1300 660 013.ASTRID ROTWHEN I'm touring (which is most of the time), I make a lot of new friends and end up sleeping in different beds in all kinds of positions. I usually begin by jumping up and down, then spend some time lying on my back, then my side and front. One time I woke up under the bed! I started this thing years ago: just before I leave the house of my host, I cut out a small square of their bedsheets to remember them. I like to take a piece of them with me, forever. I give my squares to my brother Otto and he is sewing them into a quilt for me. He doesn't know where all the material comes from. I tell him that I like checking out haberdasheries. My quilt is pretty big already but I hope it will grow during our stay in Melbourne.Die Roten Punkte - Kunst Rock (Art Rock) perform at the Fairfax Studio, April 7 - 17.theartscentre.com.au or 1300 182 183OTTO ROTI USED to suffer from not sleeping much at night. I would say goodnight to my sister Astrid, get into my single bed and lie there. My guitar would dig into me and leave bruises on my side. I tried sleeping without my axe and things were worse. Then I saw these mini guitars on the internet. I immediately had two delivered to our squat and went straight to bed. I noticed that with half-size guitars, we are much less likely to hurt each other. I love playing my mini Flying V live but I get more sleep with my mini Les Paul.Die Roten Punkte - Kunst Rock (Art Rock) perform at the Fairfax Studio, April 7 - 17.theartscentre.com.au or 1300 182 183.CLEM BASTOWSLEEP in my neck of the woods is a wild smorgasbord. Depending how the day has gone down, I either drift off gripping the Doona, staring skyward and sobbing "Why?", or face-down, drooling. If I'm lucky I'll fit in a few anxiety dreams (end-of-world scenarios, dead air on radio, Guy Sebastian's Like It Like That) and eventually wake up confused and wrapped in sheets like a human spring roll. Unsurprisingly, I try to get as little sleep as possible.Brenna Glazebrook and Clem Bastow present The Audition, at Bar Open March 24 - April 18.Ticketmaster or at the doorDAMIAN CALLINANI WAS doing that thing the other day. You know, when you fall asleep and a bit of dribble starts coming out of your mouth? And the sex wasn't going that well as it was.As a renowned thrasher, I would go through virtually every possible sleeping position every night, so as a rule a good night's sleep is measured by me waking up in roughly the same room. A bad night's sleep can lead to meeting the neighbours in less than ideal circumstances. Even when I do wake up in the same room my imagination has the ability to transform my own bedroom into various locales.I then have an unsettling few moments while my mind tries to unravel what role my bookcase is playing in the Normandy landings or why I'm naked in an IKEA display bed.Damian Callinan is Babysitting is at BlackBox, the Arts Centre, April 6-11. Bookings 1300 182 183 or theartscentre.comDamian Callinan in The Merger €” Sportman's Night 2 is at the Regent Room, Melbourne Town Hall, March 25 to April 17. Bookings Ticket master 1300 660 013 or comedyfestival.com.auThe Melbourne International Comedy Festival runs March 24-April 18.The Age is a sponsor.